Betrayal

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This life is nothing more than an intrepid betrayal. And this betrayal begins from the womb–wherein you are comfortable in it when one day life gets to perform its first act of betrayal by ejecting you outside into a strange dexterous void–the world. In this world, you start getting used to the pungent sun and make it your friend since you are afraid of the coarse darkness–and suddenly with one jerk, the sun goes down, betrays you and the dismal night stands in contrast. So you make friends with the millions of ghosts up in the sky–until they too disappear from your sight when you wake up. Illusions. And then you get used to the winds–the light and cold company and you are one with them –when there is betrayal in the form of heavy rain. Then you go on to make memories. And you make so many of them, when with the crack of age–one by one the memories seep out through you, thereby betraying you. And of course, the people—you meet them with a mask, or perhaps many. And you see they are wearing a mask as well–or perhaps many. But you swing past that, knowing quite well what face exists beneath them. Yet when the masks come off–you feel betrayed, perhaps by your own selves first and then the faces you see for they quite resemble yours. And that is–the betrayal of the self and of the mind. You are betrayed by your virtues because of your vices, your sins by your tragedies or perhaps it is the other way around, your senses by your delusions and your feelings by your reality…  So then you realize, what is life about and you finally get the hang of it. Alas! You are met with betrayal in the form of death.

And death…is a betrayal of sorts in its own self as well.

Hollow

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I was haunted by the hollow of my hand
What is in it. Why
I was disfigured by the death in my eyes
Who died. Why
I was shattered by the quivering of my soul
How did it happen. Why
I was looking at the curve of my lips
Which way did they go. Why
I sat with myself once
I danced with myself once
I dreamed within myself once
Who was I supposed to be. Why

A Giant Ball….

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This world is a giant ball. Of people and things. And garbage. A heap of feelings that turn a person into a pile of garbage.

It is a giant ball, that rolls and rolls and as it does, it gathers more garbage and feelings and things. They all get stuck to it. They all get stuck.

They don’t let go.

So it is a giant pile, a giant ball of so many things that mean something and they mean nothing. It is all a pretext. But not forgetfullness.

It is a rolling mass. Of so many troubles. And so many dreams and fantasies. It is a rolling ball of dirt and in this dirt we sleep.

We don’t have any way of escape, we can’t go anywhere.

So we become spectators. And we cheer and gleam and stand up because it is afterall a giant ball..of so many things.  Our giant ball--us

Wistfully Yours

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Dear Vacuum,

No Really I don’t even know who or what I am addressing hence the name Vacuum. It has been a long long time…just really very long since i addressed anything..or any subject like it. But today i am forced. I am forced out of mood to say it all today.

Now dear Vacuum i would not be completely lying to you if i say that i do not know exactly how you feel or what you go through being *Vacuum*. I know it must be hard and not easy for you to be so.

I say this because, well it all is vacuum. Everywhere..it is vacuum. Feelings, life..what not…everything. No i am not being a cynic or an ungrateful half wit. I am simply telling that what i see and feel.

Life is not always robust. Sometimes it gets giddy! At other times it just…goes on. Like this and that. It doesn’t ask for anything not does it tell about anything until the last moment. The very last moment.

There are things and people and places. All so far away. But all so…lustrous that one simply can not resist. At least not all the time. One wants all…but seldom gets all. Or anything for that matter.

But what will you understand…huh after all you are nothing but vacuum. Empty vapors that is!

But yes..there are days i simply can not hold in..and others when all i can do is keep holding it in. I see colors and i see shades. But that is just for my eyes..and through my eyes. I know not what colors the others see…or for that matter what shades, but i see them. I fear that if i touch them…they will turn to vapors…into vacuum, like you.

I see light and i want it. I long for it, i am after all scared of the dark like everyone else. But again..i fear if i get it i will turn it into ugly bleakness.

And if there is a pretty mirror…huh well i have not the strength to collect all the shattered glass.

But what is it..i am not sure. I…

That is all that is left.

Sounds, scents ans senses…all fade or i think they fade before i get acquainted with any of them.

I am not sure if this is it, but i don’t know what else there would be.

Wistfully Yours

Me.

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It Rained In Here Today!

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Last rain all faded away..all faded past

All swept from the memories, all images gone

And waiting for nothing more than a new day to dawn

Maybe it will rain today,maybe it wont

But waiting for a rain to pour..pour the feelings out

Here it is sunny but cold

Here it is…blurry and bold

Here it is no season at all

Here are blood and knives and guns

But here is rain yet none

But waiting for a pour…

To pour it all away

And then who knows, the maiden may sway

Memories may rush in..or back

Or new memories made

But downpour will come today

It rained in here today!

Twister!

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Life and feelings are like a twister. One that does not always come clean. One that never just completely leaves or get done…but keeps coming back.

Like and feelings..huh!

These two go hand in hand..like the two wings of a butterfly..equally fragile.

They will never understand me..i know. But what can be done. You can close your eyes for a minute or two or peace or relief. Or momentary joy.

But joy is a hard fish to catch. Maybe not for all..but not always for none.

Everything comes and just like that it goes.

Only somethings stay..like the scent of perfume on your skin…but then even that gets washed off.

But yes a twister…it comes ferociously and goes like that too..but doesn’t completely goes…it leaves behind an ache…a grinding mess..a tear or many.

Life and feelings…you combine these two and you get a twister.

I know none will get me…none at all…but they don’t matter. No they don’t!