The Death of SARCASM

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*gasps*

Yes so the inevitable has happened…or more so, begun to happen. Yes. Sarcasm is dying because in simple words, idiots are taking over everything. Including sarcasm. And that is—ironical?

Little girls in pink pony tails will now be seen going on yapping about their Instagram food photos and putting *witty* things as captions and thinking to themselves that this here is the new and somewhat improved example of sarc-wait for it-ass-um!

Silly little insensitive boys will say meaningless things about other meaningless people and challenge themselves into thinking that they are good at something, apart from being total losers and that is sarcasm. Which is apparently so shockingly absurd that one actually starts believing them and THUS ladies and gentlemen–THE DEATH OF THE LITTLE BIRD WITH HARDCORE SHIT CALLED SARCASM.

Let us all mourn the death with tears because c’mon this one is actually sad. Because it entails that with it, cynicism ad humor take the high road. I mean you can not say anything witty to anyone anymore without it fitting into their sad standards. And believe me, they have a sad standard for a reason.

And the things that qualifies as their wit is as pathetic as their delusional wonder worlds.

Yes you may think that i am only being an insensitive meanie. I would otherwise love to prove you wrong. But i wont. Because that is exactly what i feel like being today. After all, why shouldn’t  I!!

I only go back to saying what my favorite thing to say is—it is not their fault they exist. Or that their existence is a sad spectacle of irony or sarcasm. Or that it is a *good one the big guy pulled out*. We just have to deal with it.

But you know what we DON’T have to deal with!? The death of sarcasm. When we see these midgets from inside their heads murder sarcasm, we make sure we take a stand. We make sure we do it with style. And attitude. And most of all brutality.

 

sponge

 

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The Grand Illusion

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We–are all, everyone of us, a part of this grand deception. This great illusion. The illusion being that we are not alone. We may have many people by our side. We may have a family. And a million friends. And we may be perfectly bonded and in tune with the nature. But, we are all alone. Each and every one of us. We are all fragile. And we all have this need to grow apart from everything and everyone. This need is the reality. And when we do move apart from the millions of faces and the thousand and one voices—we linger on quietly in a world that is created for the lonely. We sit there and stare and ponder. We are meant to be alone.

This is the grand illusion–crowds.

And so—we hear music.

Hate Stroke!

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Ever come across this kind of stroke..one caused by hate…makes you heat up and then you cause global warming? I know these are just lame ramblings which make no sense to anyone…but what is to be done when one encounters such a stroke!!

In reality one comes across many people which can be the cause of this insufferable disease! And my teacher although always tells me to let go…more like she advices to do so and sound advice it is..but i beg to differ.

One simply does not let go..

If looking at something..more like someone…if that someone is an object, and that encounter or whatever it is makes your blood boil and lose control of yourself. And if you become hazy and dreamy..want to take a bloody bat and hit anything that looks like a human head…and it makes you flush..suffocate…then no you are not in love.It is actually a sign of hate stroke.

THINGS YOU MUST DO TO OVERCOME IT..I THINK

  • Stop looking…and start hitting.
  • Lay low- lay low..that way you get to destroy less.
  • Breath in to a paper bag and after doing so…start hitting.
  • Take out your knife…and start peeling and cutting and shredding….any raw vegetable that you can lay your hands on.
  • Start punching and do not stop ever….unless you feel relaxed…Oh punch the nearest pillow.
  • Drink.
  • Smoke.
  • Yell…Or if you are brave and do not fear going to the jail…if you remember that you are a human and civilian that is, make whoever caused the stroke yell.
  • DO this for about an hour standing in front of the mirror…*GRRRRRRRRRR*
  • And after you are done….*ARRRRRRRR*
  • *Meat* more people.
  • Then check if your body parts are still intact and none is missing.
  • In case any of them is missing…call an ambulance and go meet your doctor.

I do hope you recover soon. Really i do!

How Sometimes Nice People Can Be Annoying!

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You Person! Thy Art Is Insanity.

Hello hello..Puny Earthlings! I have now lasted on this planet for far too long to remember. I have learn t your ways, customs and eating habits. I have disguised myself as one of you..just a bit more fashionable and better looking, if you know what i mean. I have even made friends.

Okay for your sake i will give you a break. But this can sometimes be lesser annoying than most of the normal people of our ecosystem. *Ecosystem* Funny word..nehh

If i were a zombie feeding on ‘Bwainz’ there would be an 87% chance of starvation for me. Ok maybe not, maybe i will become as fat as *people who like to eat* (Insert whatever comes to your mind and by whatever i mean whatever race of people). Because i will be eating the part of the brain not used by most people…and by Jove it will be A LOT.

I am not complaining, it’s just that there is a difference between having fun and acting immature (Read annoying). Now don’t take me for one of those people who is a buzz kill. Because well truth is i am not. Thing is…people act in certain ways they think seems cool to other people when it just makes 77% of them want to smash their teeth with a hammer.

Now if i were racist i would have many examples..but as it happens i am not. I simply fall into that category of buffoons who pay too much attention to other peoples feelings. Which is again ironic because i don’t care whether XYZ is heartbroken because i am an insensitive monkey. *Bananananana*

So i was saying…people and their nasty habit of doing incredibly stupid things which pisses people off and Et cetera. You may find this blog worthless…or even as annoying as i am making other people sound. But then it cant be helped..maybe you are an alien as well.

*Dr* Sheldon Cooper says and i quote, ‘One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.’

Now you know how i feel?

Umm i am taking a guess…NO?

But how could you. Let me put it in simpler way…

  •  Annoying Person: *Puts Facebook status* Should i buy an expensive laptop or should i buy a more expensive mac book?
    Tagline: I’m rich, bitch. 3 cars and a truck. I’m rich, bitch.
    How i may or may not see it: What can i tell you i am… *Penny less, job less, hairless, food less* -.-
  • Annoying Person: OMG one day left in the exammm…i am gonaa get an F 😦
    Tagline: Bring it on you little….
    What i see in that person: the future president working their way up up and up
  • Annoying Person(s): *On Facebook* Talks about some big secret on each others time lines so the world can see.
    Tagline: We can keep a secret safe as long as everyone else can figure out what it is about..touche 🙂
    What i …..you know never mind.
  • Annoying Person: Puts everything they did, ate or…discharged, on social networking sites.
    Tagline: There honestly is no tagline here just a bunch of people telling everyone what color was their poop.
  • Annoying Person: “I am not that much of a sports fan.” Follows Big Sports event like World Cups, Olympics, Asian Games…etc etc on Google so they can show people on their social networking sites how cool they are…by putting pictures and lame statuses..
    Tagline: I think you need to get living..Brah!

So you know what i mean…these people on the average look and seem nice..normal but things they do for THINGS! Ay Caramba!!

My alien senses are tingling…i must go to the loo now.

And you know these things are not even half of what actually happens.

SUMMERS why art thou so effing hateful?!

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I loathe summers. I absolutely loathe them.

Summers in Pakistan are unlike any *tropical* summers. They are mean, harsh and full of s*it. Summer here starts from May and ends somewhere is September and trust me..these 5 months are life’s most pathetic events ever.

Temperature starts rising..from 37 deg and goes towards 49-50 deg..Celsius!!  Can you believe it..It is monstrosity.

It would have been less monstrosity if the power did not go off every two hours.

It is sticky sweaty and smelly. Hence SLOTHFUL.

You don’t want to eat anything, you cant sleep well. Urghh. Things wont cool.

In Summer, normal people become grumpy for no good reason. And people like me who are usually grumpy for no good reason become something like err…psychopaths.

And then there are them disgusting house pests…Lizards.

These crawlers would come out from nowhere. and mock you with a shameful sneer that is present on their faces.

During this season..i become helpless. I hate everyone and everything.

How will i pass these four months i have no damn clue.