The Death of SARCASM

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*gasps*

Yes so the inevitable has happened…or more so, begun to happen. Yes. Sarcasm is dying because in simple words, idiots are taking over everything. Including sarcasm. And that is—ironical?

Little girls in pink pony tails will now be seen going on yapping about their Instagram food photos and putting *witty* things as captions and thinking to themselves that this here is the new and somewhat improved example of sarc-wait for it-ass-um!

Silly little insensitive boys will say meaningless things about other meaningless people and challenge themselves into thinking that they are good at something, apart from being total losers and that is sarcasm. Which is apparently so shockingly absurd that one actually starts believing them and THUS ladies and gentlemen–THE DEATH OF THE LITTLE BIRD WITH HARDCORE SHIT CALLED SARCASM.

Let us all mourn the death with tears because c’mon this one is actually sad. Because it entails that with it, cynicism ad humor take the high road. I mean you can not say anything witty to anyone anymore without it fitting into their sad standards. And believe me, they have a sad standard for a reason.

And the things that qualifies as their wit is as pathetic as their delusional wonder worlds.

Yes you may think that i am only being an insensitive meanie. I would otherwise love to prove you wrong. But i wont. Because that is exactly what i feel like being today. After all, why shouldn’t  I!!

I only go back to saying what my favorite thing to say is—it is not their fault they exist. Or that their existence is a sad spectacle of irony or sarcasm. Or that it is a *good one the big guy pulled out*. We just have to deal with it.

But you know what we DON’T have to deal with!? The death of sarcasm. When we see these midgets from inside their heads murder sarcasm, we make sure we take a stand. We make sure we do it with style. And attitude. And most of all brutality.

 

sponge

 

The Teen Years–What You Learn

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Ahh so i just turned 20 today. You ask how do you feel milady? Well i just waved goodbye to the teen years–how do you think i feel. I feel great. GREAT. The teen years were not my medicine–or piece of cake

But this post is not about me. It is indeed a heads up for all of you–to relate, to look out for and many other things that start with a *to–*.

The day you turn thirteen-ahh you think it is going to like magic, that you’d just wake up and start singing to birds like freaking Cinderella. NO that does not happen.

Instead, it is an ordinary day. You feel the same. You look the same. Mind, you may look uglier. And thus the pathetic journey begins. You are confused–there is peer pressure

Your parents treat you as a child and at the same time expect great things from you. I mean HELLOO if i am but an asinine toddler how will i ever change the worldd??

You suddenly start feeling awkward around other people–ESPECIALLY the opposite sex. :3

But they don’t notice you until you are 15 or 16. Because you are an ugly blob till then. So hold your horses. And then you get to encounter all sorts of people. The bitchy two faced ones. The bloody ass holes. The miss-oh-i-am-so-per-fec-t. The noobs, geeks, hobos, punks, emos, goths. And yada yada.

And you realize that you really don’t fit in with any of them. So at first–you think that you are a misfit, than you begin thinking that *NO I ..I Am infact UNIQUE*

It happens so–that there will be many ‘oh-i-am-uniques’ out there. So that turns kind of ironic.

Then you turn 16. That is when you realize who your friends are and why. They are usually like you. A bunch of unique ****s bonding together over a see-saw.

Of course as you go deep in the teen years–you get your heart broken. And face too. You may want to go out with your friends, but the folks said nope…they don’t trust you. And don’t expect them to. After all you are just a crazy ass on the way to making so many damn mistakes.

17 is the most weird age. You want many things–but you cant have it all. So that is the first time you truly realize what disappointment tastes like. BITTER.

Say, you want to date–but you’re too ugly. You want to wear them tight ass jeans–but that ain’t so cool with them folks. You want the latest gadget–so make your own damn money.

Ahh teenage–they think life is easy.

18: you finally become legal. You want to do crazy as hell stuff. Most of the time–you even do it. But most of the other time–you just end up being a loser with only words and no action. You thought you’d own the world by now. But the only thing you get owned is your pitiable ass.

Then comes the final episode. This age is special and not special at the same time. If you are a desi–you get to worry that your folks are going to get you married. They make you learn how to cook. Otherwise you just waste time and money over nothing. Only to learn that you will end up getting disappointed. AGAIN. Then it ends.

It is really like a butterfly. First there is the cocoon phase. Then the butterfly phase. And finally the ugly moth phase.

You learn a lot of things. You learn that the world is not a candy filled castle. You learn about people. Different kinds of them. You end up hating most of them. You learn that life is the damn reality. And there is no escaping it. You learn about getting disappointed. Rejected. And you learn about the 50 shades of confusion and total retardness. But most of all–you learn how to cope it all. You learn about the drama in life and the perfect way to sort it out–although you never did sort it out.keep-calm-because-it-s-my-20th-birthday-4

Things I May Do In 2013.

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I do not believe in new year’s resolutions at all. And i almost never had any. But i guess it doesn’t hurt us if we try new things. Because new years resolutions are as thin as air.

And so this year i geared up and thought..’well what the hell!’. So i made up a list of things i may do the coming year. I mean it is stuff that is relate able because unlike all of you i won’t actually do any thing 😛

 

So here goes…

  • I shall try not to be lazy…*yeah as if that one will ever work*
  • I shall learn how to drive like a man, unlike the previous year when i didn’t even learn how to drive like a woman.
  • I shall lose at least 5 K gs. *got to cut down on the cake*
  • I shall not look back at stupid mistakes….and repeat them. I shall throw them away..like garbage.
  • I shall not give up finding *LOVE*. Or i will…can’t tell. Too confused.
  • I shall write all the things that i wanted to the previous year but i couldn’t *link to the first resolution*
  • I shall earn some good money…*pffft* Nuff said!
  • I shall be the greatest human in the history of greatest humans. Although over here the phrase *watch what you wish for* keeps popping in my head. I wonder why that is.
  • I shall buy a dog. Who will love me for however i am.
  • I shall say good riddance to every pond scum who treats me as dirt.
  • I shall be more profound.
  • I shall make 10 more friends…who can be good friends.
  • I shall try to conquer the world. And if it fails…i will blame the Dictators…whoever they are.
  • I shall not help with any alien invasion, unless they give me 20% credit.
  • I shall try to control my anger.
  • I shall not let things to make me fall apart. Honestly.
  • I shall try to be more punctual in praying.
  • I shall conquer the world and if i fail…i will blame the animals for making me a part of their plan.
  • I shall be more than someone.

Oh and this is going to be my 99th post. Woohoo. Stay put for the 100th jubilee thing.

 

 

 

6 Things I Learnt In 2012…One Way Or Another.

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Well folks the much *happening* year, 2012 is UP! Yes it is..there it goes out of the window. And like every year, it has left many morals and lessons for us to think about.

Here is going to be a list of the things that i learnt this year. There are six of them..i learnt a lot actually but these made it to the list.

  • People get more selfish as they grow older. And true that folks. People learn things about themselves as they grow up and tend to become more selfish than ever. They’d treat you as pond scum if you are in their way of eternal happiness which they get only by THEMSELVES. I mean c’mon people…grow some modesty if you can’t grow some balls.
  • If others have a problem, it is the world’s problem..but if I have a problem, it isn’t worth giving a shot at. Self explanatory! Very Unimportant Person.
  • Reality is not everyone’s piece of cake. It has sharp teeth so it can bite. And dream are just another way of ding drugs…and reality is just another hangover.

  • Over thinking is a disease…as long as you don’t do it right. Wait..no even if you do it right, it is still a disease. Again self explanatory.

  • Being lazy can make you fat. And being fat can make you lazy. If you are lazy you’d get angry at small things..and expectations also make you angry, well not getting the expected thing that is. And if you are lazy and fat you end up looking like a balloon which is not really good.

  • This world is full of very, very very annoying people who think they know it all, but they don’t. These people will kill other people who don’t think like them. All in all this world is a dustbin and most of the people are garbage. No offense, but sadly that is the case. This one makes me so very very sad.

Jelly beans!

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People. People are like jelly beans. All of us.Gooey colorful and full of taste. And they make our teeth go bad too.

Are we really? Well it could be used as a metaphor can’t it.

I mean we don’t have to be jelly beans for real..that would be kind of creepy. Just imagine a face for every jelly bean.

Hah. Creepy (-_^)

But we can be jelly beans if we talk in metaphors. I mean if we have to say that some one is fat…without sounding mean..we can call that person–A Jelly bean!

And if we want to say *His bloody face was red with anger*

We can say..*His bloody face was jelly bean with anger.*

Um..on second thought, no.

Okay moving on. Let us just put Jelly bean instead of Human.

That would be funny. *That jelly bean just said that and now i am going to jelly bean that jelly bean some more. Rawr. Son of a jelly bean.*

Or something like..*How dare that jelly bean say that…backstabber jelly bean. I heard she is going steady with that half eaten jelly bean. Can you believe my jelly bean jelly bean? :O*

Some one’s motto could be.. *Don’t jelly bean all the time you jelly beans. Leave some for later.*

Scum bean would be hilarious too.

I know this may not make much sense and is just a step ahead of plain gibberish. But what can i say i am a jelly bean when it comes to being a jelly bean. Ask my jelly bean friends they will tell you how jelly bean i am. But what can i say..once a jelly bean, always a jelly bean.

 

Me and My Almost Broken Heart!

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It is probably a phase. A nasty one though. But yes we all have been there…once or more than once. So it wouldn’t be a surprise to know that it is no trip through a candy land.

Heart is a fickle and complicated thing. And we all know that as well.

There are days and many of them i tell you, that i am all past loneliness..a stage that very few can get to…but everyone seems to know about perfectly, and that is the time when i know that it is okay i guess. Some have it worst.

After all i have an almost broken heart to live for…and by and many other things.

So there is me….and my almost broken heart…i keep it that way. I know if it gets beyond that i’d be in trouble. And i know i don’t like handling trouble.

Among other reasons i know i can’t afford one…fully broken heart right now. I just can’t.

Anddd..well lets just say…that i am much better than that. Much stronger.

So i keep it that way. I know some have it worst.

There is always me and my almost broken heart.

Hate Stroke!

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Ever come across this kind of stroke..one caused by hate…makes you heat up and then you cause global warming? I know these are just lame ramblings which make no sense to anyone…but what is to be done when one encounters such a stroke!!

In reality one comes across many people which can be the cause of this insufferable disease! And my teacher although always tells me to let go…more like she advices to do so and sound advice it is..but i beg to differ.

One simply does not let go..

If looking at something..more like someone…if that someone is an object, and that encounter or whatever it is makes your blood boil and lose control of yourself. And if you become hazy and dreamy..want to take a bloody bat and hit anything that looks like a human head…and it makes you flush..suffocate…then no you are not in love.It is actually a sign of hate stroke.

THINGS YOU MUST DO TO OVERCOME IT..I THINK

  • Stop looking…and start hitting.
  • Lay low- lay low..that way you get to destroy less.
  • Breath in to a paper bag and after doing so…start hitting.
  • Take out your knife…and start peeling and cutting and shredding….any raw vegetable that you can lay your hands on.
  • Start punching and do not stop ever….unless you feel relaxed…Oh punch the nearest pillow.
  • Drink.
  • Smoke.
  • Yell…Or if you are brave and do not fear going to the jail…if you remember that you are a human and civilian that is, make whoever caused the stroke yell.
  • DO this for about an hour standing in front of the mirror…*GRRRRRRRRRR*
  • And after you are done….*ARRRRRRRR*
  • *Meat* more people.
  • Then check if your body parts are still intact and none is missing.
  • In case any of them is missing…call an ambulance and go meet your doctor.

I do hope you recover soon. Really i do!